A Picture is Worth A "Thousand" Words: Part Three: "But Relationships Are Supposed to be HARD! Aren't They?"

Again, I always thought that relationships were supposed to be difficult and that no matter what you and your partner will always get through the storm. I wanted to see the rainbow after. However, I was going to have yet to get one. The storm became a tornado—a category 4 to be exact. 

As the summer began I wanted to get a job. It would be my first job and I wanted to make some money before I went back to school. I also wanted to keep my mind off of missing Tony. I was a cashier at Winn Dixie. I thought getting a job would be a good thing, but it eventually became a burden for me and a benefit for Tony. 

I was doing so well at my job and was being paid good money every week. Tony talked to me every day. I was feeling okay for the first time with life after high school. Then one night Tony called me sounding kind of sad. I asked him what was wrong and he told me he ran into an ex. I will call her Jai. Tony told me he kept having second thoughts about our relationship after running into her and seeing how good she was doing. That was another red flag because he just wanted to destroy her. The good feeling that I had at the beginning of the summer just faded. I cried and cried all night, begging him to just rethink everything. Even though he sounded unsure, he agreed to forget about her. He did not. 

I spent the rest of my summer with my emotions on high. Every day at work I masked how I truly felt and went home not really looking forward to talking to Tony. I still kept up the facade that I was okay with him, but I really wasn’t. Then Tony called me again with some more BS about Jai. He mentioned to me that Jai was in the Job Corps and that she would soon need to go to another part of Mississippi close to Starkville. Now mind you he never told her that he was in a relationship with me. Jai was also single. He had hatched a plan to use her. Also, mind you the money was only $800 and she was going to give her $300 for dropping her off. This was around the time we went back to school. With that, I just knew he was fooling around with her. I told him how uncomfortable I was with that and it sounded like he was using her. He didn’t care and assured me nothing would happen between them. By now you can probably guess Tony’s reassurance holds the same weight as an ant. 

Summer flew by and before I knew it the first week of April was here. Now Tony also had a friend named TQ who was dating a very kind girl named Di Di. Even though DiDi and I weren’t friends she still looked out for me. I was at work doing my thing as usual. I was working for a long time and needed to go to the bathroom. I took my phone with me and I noticed a Snapchat message from Di Di. She asked me if Tony and I were still together. I let her know that we were still together and questioned her in regards of her question. She told me to look at Tony’s Snapchat story. My stomach grew into knots and I just wanted to scream at what I saw. Jai had got a hold of Tony’s phone, recorded a video of them lying up in his bed with him kissing all over her, and she posted it. PUBLICLY! 

I was in disbelief. I began to choke and tried to keep myself from crying. I messaged Tony and my phone just blew up with his responses. Trying to work with a broken heart is the worst feeling ever. By the time my break came around I just cried in the restroom. I felt so helpless. I went home with a poker face. I also had a sew-in to take down that night for my hair appointment the next day.

As I cut away the tracks I had tears in my eyes. I tried to be as careful as possible to not cut my hair. I kept constantly rejecting my mother's help. I did not want her to notice how much I was hurting.  I did not fully cry until I went to bed. The picture above the black and white one was taken the day after I saw the Snapchat story. That was in fact the day I began masking every emotion and hurt I went through with Tony.